Oct 29 2019
Written in 2022:
I really tried to end it. Hardcore. I tried and tried and tried. I decided to leave for CA to get away.
It’s true that I have been involved with these two for most of my life, but as things changed and we grew apart, I was not compatible with them. I was frustrated and angry. I wanted a relationship that made me feel secure, wanted a relationship where I was happy, and wanted a relationship where I could meet my partners’ standards. I didn’t want the weird shit of having to verbally say “ACKNOWLEDGED” whenever the partner touched me, or partners who say I don’t express my emotions quite enough, or crushing myself into a box to try to make other people happy and then exploding out of it.
I wanted things to go back to how they were but that would never happen. Not when my needs weren’t being considered, not when my boundaries weren’t being respected, and not when I could barely function alone as a human being.