July 12 2019
Written in 2022:
I was working on the comic from the 10th at the time, which has thankfully escaped the absolute poison that I feel with this comic.
I hated how they did this, peeking in like weird cartoon characters. It was about here that I lost my mind because my exes came in to proudly declare that they had crossed the boundary I had put down in the relationship. They found nothing wrong with it and at the time I remember it felt like being hit by a truck. But they were so happy about it. So happy. And I had been slowly been working through my own shit to ease that boundary, but they just beat the boundary with a damn baseball bat.
The boundaries were thus:
- I am not attracted to the 3rd partner, as I see them as a sibling, and so I do not want to engage in romantic/sexual activities with them, as it distresses me
- Please do not do sex things yet, I am not comfortable with them having relations at the time, as I did not consent to that part of the relationship
- I do not want to be in a “cuddle pile”
All of them were broken and I was torn between the clear happiness that they had expressed after having their “sexual awakenings” together (both being described as asexual but then feeling happy to explore it with one another). I understand my exwife probably was comfortable with them because she felt I had some kind of expectation on her, and I rarely derived pleasure from sexual activities with her anymore. I felt spurned and neglected that my formerly ace exwife would have this discovery with someone other than myself, and not communicate. It was like all the effort and the acceptance and the stifling of myself was for naught…
It took a few days for the pain on this one to overwhelm me.