Aug 4 2018
Written in 2022:
I look back and I hate the comics I wrote about the relationship and my desire to have a fourth. It stemmed from being othered in the so-called “triad”, from feeling neglected in my “primary relationship”, from just wanting someone for me when I felt unfulfilled and uncared for. My desire for someone was strongest in a relationship where I was supposedly getting twice the “love” that the average person got.
If I could reach out to my past self from this year, 2022, and tell them that I as a single person feel the least lonely than I have ever felt in all those years married and hitched to a triad I didn’t consent to— I would. There’s a world of difference between having a relationship where people tell you that you are loved but don’t express it, and yet you are considerably less “single”; and a place to be where you are comfortable and surrounded by friends who care about you and never have to say it.
The me now has a small desire for a partner, simply in that it would be nice (in the same way that I think it would be nice if I could keep a potted plant alive), but I am not lonely, and I have a place I am happy to call home, and friends I feel like I can reach out to and will help me. I am happier now