Debris of Daily Life

Written in 2022: 

^{⚠️ self harm and suicidal ideation}

I was trying to get a fibromyalgia diagnosis at the time. The pain would get so intense sometimes I would pop a bunch of aspirins just to get through the day, wearing a sling or using a cane just to function. Some days I would crumple on the floor. Some days I could not move. Some days I could only sleep and existed in a foggy half-aware state. I was in a hell that would be cut through by intense melancholy that drove me to sit on the edge, stand in the kitchen and stare at the knives, sink myself under water, pour pills across the surface of my desk and just rely on a single thread of hazy thought to stop me.

I’m alive today because I believed I was a coward then.