So, I have a thing about Christmas movies. I can’t watch ’em. They infuriate me for reasons I will not explain.
I finally, however, explained to my parents why I don’t watch them, and they went, well why don’t we find one you CAN watch? No holly jolly spirits or whatever, just kind of Christmas. We ended up going with Fatman.
And my god, Mrs. Cringle. I love her. My stepmom turned to me and said, “That’s the kind of woman I picture you with.”
A loving, supportive wife who can and will pull out the gun to defend her home? Who will not tolerate her husband giving her shit when a solution can still be found? Yeah, I love her.
Granted, she’s not the focal point. It’s a focus on Chris Cringle struggling to make ends meet because kids aren’t making the nice list and it’s affecting his payout from the US government. One kid in particular, Billy, calls in a hit on him, using a guy with absolutely batshit trauma from being failed on Christmas by Santa.
It culminates in a huge gunfight, lots of explosions, and Chris Cringle being shot in the head (and ultimately surviving). He goes and scares the living hell out of Billy and there you have it, movie summarized.
I enjoyed it. It took itself so fucking seriously for being a parody. Me and my parents laughed our asses off at a preteen asking for Santa’s severed head, and a grown man’s obsession with a perceived wrong done to him as a child. It’s an interesting take on a Christmas movie and I personally enjoyed not having to deal with the parts that cause the anger center of my brain to explode in white-hot fireworks.
