“…this thing feels trapped in its own homeland.”
— dude who suspects that a kappa want to go to america and so keeps doing weird shit to young american boys
After a near-death drowning accident, a young boy’s family is horrified to discover he has become possessed by a legendary demon from the depths of the lake. As the family races against time to save the boy’s soul, the evil monster inside the child tears the family apart as it seeks to destroy everyone in its path.
I have so many gripes about this movie. I’ll start with what tempted me:
Under contractual obligation of my identity, I must view as many found-footage movies as I can.* So sometimes… I scour lists to find found footage I’ve never watched before. Sometimes I end up with new faves, sometimes I end up with funny things to force my friends to watch, sometimes I get a bit bored out of my mind. It happens with found footage. It demands patience.
*this is a joke
See, the fun of found footage (for me) is having a forced perspective and putting yourself in the place of watching something “real”. A lot of the time, you watch one step removed, or better yet, you “see” what the character sees. It’s basically first person; you’re experiencing it from the character’s point of view. First person movie. I came into Bloat only knowing what was in the synopsis above and that it was found footage. I was primed.
My first thoughts: wow, fun concept! You are viewing it from the perspective of a computer screen! Also, it can and will drive you absolutely insane, because this is a guy that 1) does not full screen windows, ever; 2) keeps his webcam on forever; 3) spends HUGE amounts of money, constantly; 4) simultaneously kills people while dicking around on his computer; and 5) does not believe in internet privacy.
Family goes to Tokyo without main dude, who is supposed to work where he is, using his AI program to target people of unknown quantities to drop bombs on and then tries to chat with it. It’s years after a miscarriage, the parents are attempting to come together as a family, the US military fucks it up, so Dad is watching via Whatsapp and security cameras he and his kid install in the home to watch the youngest son eat cucumbers.
Which… for me was a dead giveaway of the monster and everything. Kid almost drowns and starts eating cucumbers. Kappa. Duh. My man does a basic Google search about it while he sends his bud, who is a B-plot character that feels like he could be cut out entirely if not for his actual star power, to investigate and then shoot the monster. Because they’re military and you shoot the monster. Anyway, bud dies and no one says anything. Whoops!
Bro, it just bugged me. Dude needs to touch grass. He has everything from a drinking app on his computer to having all his bank stuff hooked up to chime on his computer. You can always see his damn face on the screen (I know it’s for my benefit, but sometimes we see his reflection, which is weird considering the conceit) and his dozen windows where he tries to figure out wtf is happening.
I understand that the horror is watching something happen to his family and not being able to do anything. They’re far away, he’s trying to be involved, and the idea that the internet brings families closer is not always the case. He fights with his wife and then they always just cut it off and don’t have real conversations; he has secret conversations with his older son to try to figure things out because mom is about popping pills—
(Until now, I never considered Amitriptyline might be a drug that could be abused; I was on it for a number of years to manage a buffet of symptoms (which are self-managed today))
—he goes out and drinks every time he feels kind of funky and hopeless, then throws money at the problem to try to make up for not being present. He isn’t able to do anything until he risks his livelihood on just getting up and running to his family, resulting in the end where we view a video of him being court-marshaled and then also simultaneously tried for murder.
Oh, I almost forgot. Because it’s almost forgettable. Bro contacts an ex-marine who killed his own kid because the same thing happened. Bro takes a call from jail. Video call. One of those secret bathroom phones. He shows up for a minute and says “kill your kid” and gets off the phone.
Okay bro
Also. Why kill mom? She’s going through shit too. Is it supposed to say something about lonely military wives who feel like they’re alone while doing everything?
Also—
Also—
Ugh.
I have so many complaints. But mostly it’s just…
“This thing feels trapped in its own homeland.”
They go to Japan, have to live there for some time, and kid picks up a fucking kappa who wants to leave the country. The kid is stuck doing therapy in Japan with the only English-speaking child therapist they can find, who says, don’t go anywhere, the kid needs to recover. The kid who is eating cucumbers only halfway and then dumping them on the floor. For some reason bugs are all over the place, cuz bugs are creepy I guess. Kid has a nuclear meltdown about wanting to go home, when he isn’t allowed, people start fucking dying, there’s all this shit… honestly this movie really tries too hard to engage so we end up going from 0 to 60 real quick.
“This thing feels trapped in its own homeland.”
Why? Are Japanese kids too cool to murder now? What?
“This thing feels trapped in its own homeland.”
Why?!!?! How did you come to this conclusion? A fucking yokai wants to travel, aight, sure!
“This thing feels trapped in its own homeland.”
WHY
I dislike this one so much it is going to be the first movie I ever delete out of my media folders.
